Ask most managers to name the skills they need to develop, and listening rarely makes the top of the list. It should.

Not because managers don’t listen at all, but because most of them listen in a way that filters information through what they already think is true. That’s not listening. That’s confirming.

What Genuine Listening Looks Like

Genuine listening happens when you’re more interested in understanding what someone is saying than in formulating your response. It looks like this:

Full presence. You’re not glancing at your phone or mentally composing your reply. You’re in the conversation.

Asking before concluding. You ask clarifying questions before you land on an interpretation.

Reflecting back what you heard. Before you respond, you summarize what you understood, which gives the other person a chance to correct the record.

Tolerating silence. You don’t fill every gap immediately. You give the other person room to add to what they said.

Why This Matters for Managers Specifically

Managers are in conversations all day. When those conversations are only partially heard, the decisions that come out of them are based on incomplete information. Multiply that across a week and you have a manager who’s making decisions based on what they expected to hear rather than what was actually said.

The Skill Most Leaders Don’t Practice

Proverbs 18:2 says: “Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions” (NLT). Genuine listening requires a kind of humility that feels uncomfortable for leaders who are used to being the one with answers.

A Practice to Start This Week

In your next three one-on-ones, go in with one question and a commitment to ask at least two follow-up questions before offering any perspective. Notice what you learn that you wouldn’t have if you’d led with your own thoughts.